02.16.13 Cardinals are very very smart

Red_Crested_Cardinal5

We have two red headed, or red crested cardinals that hang out in our neighborhood. Every day, around 5 PM, they perch on our garden wall and start singing beautiful songs (or at least I think that is what they are doing – they may be cussing in cardinal). The songs get my attention and I go out and throw my parrot’s uneaten food on the ground. The two red crested cardinals come swooping down, followed by two black bulbuls and two mynah birds. I don’t know what it is with these birdie couples, but they come daily.

Yesterday I forgot to feed the birdies. One of the cardinals flies and lands across the street from where I was standing, dropping a piece of something on the sidewalk and picking it up in his beak. He repeated this dropping of the food on the ground about 8 times; a serious hint to feed him! He kept dropping it down, slamming it back onto the sidewalk, picking it back up and slamming it back down – up down up down up down. It was hilarious. I was on my way out the door for a late afternoon run, so I couldn’t feed him.

The two cardinals have actually been brave enough to come into my garage  once when I was late feeding them – and I was in the garage! Brave…or stupid. Most times the cardinals just sing or make loud noises; sometimes one of them would somehow know I was in the bedroom, land on our Arabian Jasmine tree and sing his butt off. I have no idea how he knows I am in the bedroom.

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OK Our House is Haunted

I just took off my head phones after listening to music on the web….not worth it to wake the kid up with loud tunes of Bossa Nova at 12 AM….well….I took the ear buds out of my ears and I hear a weird, static noise coming from the bedroom. I frantically reach for the lights as this sound is…WEIRD….my hands find the light switch and I flip on the lights…nothing…that is, nothing but the radio phone near my bed with it’s switch flipped to “ON”.  It is making a static sound with people talking in the background. I flip the switch all over before I find the “On” button. Very strange, as I’ve owned this phone/radio for over 25 years and it has NEVER turned it self on before. 

Being A Mom or Dad at the age of 47?!

CONGRATS!! You are going to be a MOM/DAD at the age of 47!! YAY! You either A) were forced to adopt your grand-children, B) really wanted a kid and are now totally and most wonderfully blessed, or C) OOPS!!!!

Consider the following:

Kid is newborn – 1 years old, you are 48 – 49. Lift kid up repeatedly from floor, bed, high chair without getting wrist tendonitis or tennis elbow. Constantly wake up throughout the night. Love the smell of baby poop and poo while possibly changing your own parent’s diapers.

Kid is 2-3 years old, you are 50 years old. Chase after them constantly! Also, keep on with the waking-up-at-night-thing…argue with your kids while you feed your aging mother-in-law her 40 different types of pills. Watch mindless cartoons and endure hours and hours of purple dinosaurs singing about how much they love you while you increase your life insurance policy ceiling.

Kid is 6-7 years old, you are 57 and you have to be able to carry an 50-lb child for various reasons. You are almost 60  and you have to pretend that you think Disneyland is the most fun place on earth! You moan and groan and complain about the long lines and the heat and how Obama is ruining everything while you stand in line.  If your kid has ADHD, multiply excitement factor three-fold on a daily basis.

Kid is 10, you are 60. Can you run after your kid? Do you have the energy to keep up? Because of the constant lifting ten years ago on your poor bones, you’ll be needing a knee replacement soon. Contrary to popular belief having young kids around does not keep your mind sharp…it makes your mind shut down. SHUT UP Kids!!  Also, it is very hard to convince your 10 yr old that a crocheted afghan is in style…what is wrong with you spoiled kids nowadays?

Kid is 15 years old with raging teenage hormones and you are  62, calling your friends who gleefully send you email pictures of their grand-children while your Wise-ass punk kid’s friends come into your house eating your food, raiding your liquor cabinet and downloading porn on your computer. You tell your kid and his friends to shut up and they just laugh at you and throw Dentu-Cream in your face. You really don’t have the energy to punish the offending teen…maybe just a nap or two later and you’ll be fine.

Kid is 16 and she gets pregnant!!! – oh no, let’s not even go there. Can’t imagine raising TWO kids at the age of 64!!!

Kid graduates high school, you are 65. Don’t let the kid down…leave the walker at home!!! Grimace as the thought of sending kid to college hits home when you are trying to R-E-T-I-R-E.

Kid hopefully graduates college with all your hard-earned money with a standard, normal 4-yr degree of some kind, and you are 69 – 70 years old. If not, they will move back into your home with their kids and their significant others…oh joy!!!!

Pessimistic??? I KNOW!!! True? Sometimes. Sometimes its worse. There, I’ve said it.

2.7.12 Full Moon

Today is a full moon…part of the weirdness noted today involve the following:

1. Five ambulances in a short amount of time, all on the freeway.

2. Dangerous driving by others than yours truly.

3. Dental work, bill = $592.34 not covered by insurance…3 hours of personal vacay went into getting teeth fixed so total is probably more like $800.00.

4. Boss approved day off request put in two weeks ago…yesterday (for teeth repair)!

5. renewed driver’s license, now good til 2020…seems so far away. 2020..nuts.

6. the fact that I have not used the word “I” or “me” until line six…WOW!!

Full moon…cheers!!

Feb 1, 2012 Dragging

OK so I did trash Facebook but still find myself spending inordinate amounts of time online…like Pinterest, but I have to say (rationalize) that I am actually learning something, like crocheting and preparing really cute Super Bowl foods for this weekend.

I re-read my post about the Horrible Boss and felt a bit bad…yes, she’s all that, but posting such drivel was a negative thing but it sure felt to get that off my chest! I can’t be all perfect all the time, and if I did, I would go crazy. I can’t go cold turkey after all.

Woke up a bit late for work and sped like a friggin banshee down the freeway because if we are just a teeny tiny bit late, we get written up…so anyway…get to work and the time clock is BROKEN! How great is that? The only problem now is making sure my boss turns in our miss time punch paperwork on time…sometimes she “loses” things and we lose out on…oh…one whole day’s worth of pay. No biggie. I can afford to lose a WHOLE day’s worth of pay. I’ll just eat the lint out of my dryer to make up for the difference in lost pay.

What did I do positive today? I did the best I could at work without complaining, came home and did a bunch more chores and here I am, ready for bed and ready to do it all again tomorrow…rinse, repeat.

1.30.12 Dear Rotten Horrible Boss

Dear Rotten, Horrible Boss;

This is a letter dedicated to you right now and for all the horrible bosses I’ve ever had in my life. I am glad that you came along because I am learning compassion for the truly horrid, evil people living in this world that have a four letter word in their title, like yourself. Thanks for making life a living hell and thanks for teaching me the art of patience, grace and the fact that I am better than you because I don’t fall to the floor kicking my heels in a temper tantrum when I don’t get my way…but, of course, you are the boss and I just the peon (…LOL)

Thank you for denying vacation and doctor’s appointments at every turn while taking ample time off for yourself including all holidays while you threaten your staff with having to pull names on holidays when it used to be voluntary, berate staff for being a few minutes late when you come in over 45 minutes late,  play favorites and try to divide staff with fault-finding and blaming, calling in your staff to work when they are sick, blame everyone but yourself for all your messes, micromanage the to the very drop and step all over others in charge, treat your staff like second-graders, scold your staff like first-graders, parade around blabbering about how great you are, speak loudly regarding confidential employee matters so everyone can hear, forget to turn in vital important paperwork yet expect us to give you both a verbal AND written report on mundane matters, withhold advancement opportunities, piss off clients and blame it on your staff, post derogatory “quotes of the day” on the wall pretending to disguise it as team spirit, screw up our schedule and make people mad at us, undo everything you’ve trusted your staff to do thinking you know better, change everyone’s work time and work days just to wield a power trip, hang up on us on the phone, expect us to give “reports” during off-hours, create rules which no one has ever heard of in the history of the company, threaten to write everyone up for every little thing…and this is just an appetizer. Thank you, for filling me up with crap. I just cant get enough crap.

To the Bosses of Evils Past; thank you for turning my gut into steel with all your sexual harassment, favoritism, workplace mobbing and humiliation. You have prepared me well for this current Boss of Evil Present. You taught me well and taught me to shut up and not say a damned thing, even if the boss is totally wrong and delusional.  Thank you for teaching me that even though I don’t agree with you, I have the wisdom to not tell you to go F*** yourself.

In closing, I’d like to say another “thank you” to the year 2012. Although I’ve been a negative person all my life, I am seeing the positives in every F-ing situation. And if you tell me “at least you have a job”, I’ll just say “you are right, now shut the hell up”.

Thank you, thank you so much all you Evil Bosses of Work Past and Work Present. I don’t know what you are preparing me for, but I guess I am grateful that I am getting a paycheck and have to pretend to laugh when you crack a funny joke or else get extra work the next day if I don’t laugh.

1.30.12 Crazy Nastyarse Honey Badger

The computer is freed up a lot lately now that I have dumped Facebook, which means I have a new routine of introducing our 8-yr old to a new animal every night before bed time. In the past it was bed time stories but as the kiddo gets older, its Youtube videos of new animals every night. I try to link the animal with a continent so the kiddo can actually learn something, plus, I get to learn geography myself (shamefully, I must add).

Tonight the animal of the day was the Honey Badger, so I clicked on the Youtube video below (warning = bad language for kids…found out after watching it for a few seconds, but it was HILARIOUS after the kid went to bed):

Here’s the kid-friendly version on Youtube:

Now I kind of wish I was back on Facebook…I could share this with all my friends…they would be the type to approve/like this sort of stuff 😦