1.30.12 Crazy Nastyarse Honey Badger

The computer is freed up a lot lately now that I have dumped Facebook, which means I have a new routine of introducing our 8-yr old to a new animal every night before bed time. In the past it was bed time stories but as the kiddo gets older, its Youtube videos of new animals every night. I try to link the animal with a continent so the kiddo can actually learn something, plus, I get to learn geography myself (shamefully, I must add).

Tonight the animal of the day was the Honey Badger, so I clicked on the Youtube video below (warning = bad language for kids…found out after watching it for a few seconds, but it was HILARIOUS after the kid went to bed):

Here’s the kid-friendly version on Youtube:

Now I kind of wish I was back on Facebook…I could share this with all my friends…they would be the type to approve/like this sort of stuff 😦

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1.24.12 Day 3- I’m Still Standing

Hmmm three whole days later and I havent keeled over and died or have a panic attack since deleting Facebook. I am surprised. Maybe its a rebound thing where it will seize me a week and a half later and I’ll be reduced to a crying, heaping pile on the floor…I’m not making fun of my friends I’ve left behind but rather my reaction to it. I thought I would die but I am doing O.K. (does anyone know what the acronym OK stands for?…I am too lazy to google it)

Spent lots of time with son, holding him, teaching him the continents, showing him a video of a real life Tasmanian Devil (yesterday it was a Narwhal). It was a lot of fun…strangely enough, I am more relaxed, how can that be when Facebook *was* my relaxation?

I am also less teary. I normally cry at every sad news I hear and ponder on it for days on end, especially when it involves children. I am so hyper-sensitive that images last for days on end and I cry and cry. Tonight I read a really sad story and I felt very sad and heartbroken for the parents of murdered children but for some reason I am not crying my eyes out…not because I am no longer caring but maybe because I am no longer filling my void with internet pursuits and being sad over things that have happened that I cannot change. I now elect to spend as much time as I can with our growing son with laughter, hugs and attention that I didn’t give to him when I was obsessed with my internet gaming and Facebook time. I have a choice on how I spend my time and now I am finally feeling in control of my emotions and how I choose to express it. I don’t feel like such a slave to my emotions anymore and it’s even showing up in non-internet related avenues; I am surprising myself.

I’ve been cooking every single day since quitting also: Lemon bars, Chili from scratch, vegetable soup with seven different veggies and mushrooms, tofu stir fry, egg sandwiches…maybe I’ll get fat from cooking and not because I’m plastered in front of the computer.

Very interesting, how this is all panning out. I thought it would be the end of my sanity when I gave up FB when in reality is only the beginning of it! Really odd, how things turn out. Quitting Facebook and online gaming is really manifesting itself in strange but good ways unimaginable until now.

1.23.12 – Day 3 – Any coincidence that Facebook disappeared?

Yesterday I get a call from someone I have not heard from in over five years. She was calling because she wanted to get my feedback on some recent emails she’s been sending me. It blew my mind because here she is, five years later…calling me! I don’t even remember giving her my phone number. I wonder if my busy “aura” and frantic online craziness prevented people from reaching out to me because they knew I’d be too busy. Interestingly enough, the woman who called me is deeply spiritual and picks up on people’s energies. I met her over five years ago as a role of a healer to her physical needs and here she was, calling me after all this time.

I am not religious, but it seems like more and more messages are sent to me in some form or another; through people who attend church regularly, through people who say they are praying for me, and my stumbling upon a lot of blogs who have positive messages to share with quotes from the bible. It’s enlightening and uplifting. I am not sure I can commit at this time in my life but I can sure appreciate all the positive words and encouragement.

I spent extra time with my son today. I didn’t snap at him because I was eager to get back online. I hugged him, laughed with him, let him listen to some nice family songs I grew up with and showed him a google image of a ‘narwhal’ to which he laughed and laughed. He could not believe there was such a thing as a “whale unicorn”.  I am only using the computer as this medium and as tool to teach now…not to be a slave to it and get into arguments with  people from opposing political views or becoming upset over gifts not returned in a virtual game.

Don’t get me wrong. I still fantasize daily about re-opening my account to go back and add some close friends but on the upside, I actually called a friend via phone and left a voice mail vs plastering information on his wall.

1.21.12 Day 1 – getting rid of Facebook ARGH!!!

I had decided three days ago to trash my Facebook account. I’ve had this account for over 8 years and met a bunch of wonderful people and kept in touch with friends; but I have also spent hundreds and possibly thousands of hours playing on-line games over the years, not to mention spending hundreds of dollars on virtual plants, virtual houses, virtual animals. It was taking a toll on my family and the house was a wreck. I gained more weight than I wanted. I found myself snapping at my son when he’d interrupt my arguments with people online. I found myself tossing and turning in bed thinking of remarks I’d say to people who would flame me on boards.

I figured it was OK if I didn’t play the games and just hang out on the site and see what everyone was up to but that didnt work either…almost four hours later I got off the computer with nothing learned, nothing gained except wasted time and feeling shitty again.

My husband (and interestingly enough one of my dear Facebook friends) said: “if you kicked the cigarette habit, you can kick anything” which is true. Chemical addictions, psychological addictions…I’ve been an addict my whole life of sorts, mainly to gaming, on-line interactions and yes, even running.

The running addiction was at least healthy. Facebook addiction is unhealthy. Any addiction in unhealthy but I have to be addicted to something it seems to make things worthwhile. I guess I’m just a passionate person.

Past Internet addictions I’ve kicked: MySpace, World of Warcraft (WoW), Second Life and Kingory. When I trashed MySpace and Second Life, I cried for days. It was that bad. I just replaced it with Facebook, so now Facebook’s gotta go.

So HELP!! These next few days/weeks will be pretty rough. I haven’t hit the DELETE ACCOUNT button yet but it’s scheduled for tonight/tomorrow. No turning back.

 

UPDATE: as of 4:15 PM somewhere in the Pacific on this date I have deleted both my Facebook accounts (yes, both..that’s how bad it was). I feel strangely odd yet relieved. But also panicking. What the HELL have I done?