How To Unfriend Someone In Real Life

FEB 23, 2017

I’ve decided to “unfriend” someone at work. Not in a mean way, but in a friendly, professional way. I’m cordial, I’m attentive and friendly, but in no means overtly so. I won’t open up or share my extra-curricular activities or send weekend texts letting him know what I am doing and I don’t expect any in return.  We were close and it was fun while it lasted. He told me all the office insider gossip and what was going on and we’d have fun talking about everyone else. Part of the fun of going to work was because of him, but not anymore.

The loss of my friend feels pretty bad but not as bad as dealing with his horrible mood swings which he takes out on me. I figure if I’m not as close to him, it won’t affect me. He’s done it three times in the past two years and they were all bad, but this last one, the fourth, was particularly nasty. All I could say is, what did I do wrong? In my head, of course, because no matter how I’d try to cheer him up or ask him what was wrong or treat him kindly, he’d just return all of my efforts with a shrug, a look of derision and just give me a lame excuse or totally avoid me altogether. It’s an emotional roller coaster and a total drag.

The hard part is the transition from ‘friend’ to just a co-worker. It’s going to take some time but I’m hoping it will work out. I don’t really want to be a target for his moods when he’s having a bad day with his girlfriend, or a bad day at home, or feeling insecure because the world is moving on without him. I secretly suspect that he has some jealousy issues.

I go back and forth about wanting to talk to him about what’s been happening but that will open up more doors to closeness and I don’t want that at all. Once bitten twice shy. I’m afraid of his moods and I don’t want to deal with them anymore. Its like getting yelled at really bad by someone – you are forever wary and walking on egg shells. That’s how I feel with him.  It’s only a matter of when it will happen again and I don’t want to be there.

He’s realized his error but never formally apologized. He just jumped back to his old spunky self and asked me if I wanted to have breakfast or lunch with him and I didn’t say no but I said he could join me when I went out for my daily walks at lunch time. That way I can keep him at bay but not totally shut him out.  I still need him at work because he plays a vital role and function to my job but he can still be my co-worker, just not my friend.

Friends are people that treat you like you want to be treated, not like rubbish. Co-workers can get away with that because they are just that, co-workers. You leave them at work and don’t bring them home with you…with friends, they are more than that, and you often have deeper bonds with them, so naturally, you are more sensitive. An enemy is an enemy that you’ve identified and its more predictable than an unpredictable friend who treats you like an enemy and you have no idea why?

 

So here’s my plan to stay resilient:

  1. Build a wall – a nice one. Allow for peep-holes but not wide-open gates.
  2. Shield with white healing power – meditate each day and imagine a white, clean, protective sheet of white positive light around yourself. Tell yourself this shield will help you deflect negative emotions.
  3. Stop negativity – think before you speak. Think of what you say and how it affects others. Strive only for positive thoughts and behaviors. Like attracts like.
  4. Be open but don’t open the flood gates.
  5. Be friendly but don’t be a bestie.
  6. Be honest but don’t share your heart.

I’m going to try this each and every day to see how it all pans out. I’ll keep you updated.

 

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