I just finished writing a whole entry (dated today) on Moodiness. All this time I thought someone with whom I work with was just moody has turned out to be mostly PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE. The more research I do, the more red flags have popped up and now this makes total sense!
Being on the receiving end, here are the emotions that I’ve been feeling when my close co-worker starts treating me icy cold without warning:
- feels like I’ve done something wrong
- feel crazy
- feel resentment toward person doing this
- feels like I spend too much time analyzing his mood
- self doubt
- off kilter
- insecure, to a degree
And the bad thing, it’s becoming a pattern. It’s happened before and it will happen again. Totally weird shit at work.
How this person operates:
- cold shoulder
- forgets things or takes a long time getting them
- not doing what is asked
- abrupt and curt “I’m tired”
- treats others warmly but cold to target person (me)
- avoids eye contact
- avoids close proximity and abruptly leaves
- acts angry at times but blames it on something else “I gotta go”
- withholding information or lying
- is always the victim (subtle)
Weird thing is, this person is the closest “friend” I have in the work place. The bad thing is, this is not a friend in a truest sense. I’d much rather respect the person I don’t like at work because at least they are upfront with me and it’s just mutual avoidance but on a professional level. With this relationship, I never know where I stand. One day a friend, the next day a hated enemy…and I have no idea why!
It took me over a year to figure out why and here I am, a year later, on a full-moon night, figuring this shit out! At first I thought it was Bipolar disorder. Then I thought it was his recreational drug use (which he has professed to me). Then I was lead to believe it was problems between him and his girlfriend (now his fiance) as it was a rocky start. Then I attributed it to moodiness (which it is not, because if it was true moodiness, he’d treat everyone equally with indifference).
Now that I have a name to the face of this behavior, I’ve decided I have a weapon/tool in my arsenal to protect myself, my emotional well-being and my physical space. It’s odd to me that as long as I’ve lived, and the 25+ years I’ve had dealing with people on a professional level, that only now I’m figuring this out. Why did it take so long? The refreshing news is that, no, it’s not me…well, maybe a part of it, because obviously I’ve done something wrong to piss him off, but whatever the perceived insult, it’s totally blown out of proportion and I have to remember these mantras:
- it’s mainly him
- it is not healthy
- he needs help, but not mine
- he may not ever change
- this will probably happen again (as it has in the past)
- he has a problem, don’t second-guess yourself
- do not trust him
I treat him kindly, I treat him to food and lunch, I am totally open and friendly to him. I don’t give him any advice that he doesn’t ask for and I’m not opinionated on any subject. I thank him daily for the work he’s done…so…??
Exit plans include the following:
- keep professional distance
- stay friendly without going past office-level
- treat others as you want to be treated, but again, with a healthy distance
- don’t open yourself up to sob stories; don’t ask for specifics
- don’t get ingrained in his personal life, even if he offers details
- remember he’s still a great guy but probably unaware of his hidden communication pattern, which is PA.
- keep your healthy-shield up!
Even if I’ve “wasted” hours and hours delving into this problem, I’ve got to congratulate myself on being productive tonight. The thing that could not be pin-pointed has finally come to head. Now I know what I am dealing with and I’m armed. I need to protect my emotional health as well as my well-being. My job deals with sick people and it’s already stressful enough; I don’t need anymore drama in my life.