I slap my head..that’s IT!!


I just finished writing a whole entry (dated today) on Moodiness. All this time I thought someone with whom I work with was just moody  has turned out to be mostly PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE. The more research I do, the more red flags have popped up and now this makes total sense!

Being on the receiving end, here are the emotions that I’ve been feeling when my close co-worker starts treating me icy cold without warning:

  • confused
  • feels like I’ve done something wrong
  • feel crazy
  • feel resentment toward person doing this
  • feels like I spend too much time analyzing his mood
  • uncomfortable
  • self doubt
  • off kilter
  • insecure, to a degree

And the bad thing, it’s becoming a pattern. It’s happened before and it will happen again. Totally weird shit at work.

How this person operates:

  • cold shoulder
  • forgets things or takes a long time getting them
  • not doing what is asked
  • abrupt and curt “I’m tired”
  • treats others warmly but cold to target person (me)
  • avoids eye contact
  • avoids close proximity and abruptly leaves
  • acts angry at times but blames it on something else “I gotta go”
  • withholding information or lying
  • is always the victim (subtle)

Weird thing is, this person is the closest “friend” I have in the work place. The bad thing is, this is not a friend in a truest sense. I’d much rather respect the person I don’t like at work because at least they are upfront with me and it’s just mutual avoidance but on a professional level. With this relationship, I never know where I stand. One day a friend, the next day a hated enemy…and I have no idea why!

It took me over a year to figure out why and here I am, a year later, on a full-moon night, figuring this shit out! At first I thought it was Bipolar disorder. Then I thought it was his recreational drug use (which he has professed to me). Then I was lead to believe it was problems between him and his girlfriend (now his fiance) as it was a rocky start. Then I attributed it to moodiness (which it is not, because if it was true moodiness, he’d treat everyone equally with indifference).

Now that I have a name to the face of this behavior, I’ve decided I have a weapon/tool in my arsenal to protect myself, my emotional well-being and my physical space. It’s odd to me that as long as I’ve lived, and the 25+ years I’ve had dealing with people on a professional level, that only now I’m figuring this out. Why did it take so long?  The refreshing news is that, no, it’s not me…well, maybe a part of it, because obviously I’ve done something wrong to piss him off, but whatever the perceived insult, it’s totally blown out of proportion and I have to remember these mantras:

  • it’s mainly him
  • it is not healthy
  • he needs help, but not mine
  • he may not ever change
  • this will probably happen again (as it has in the past)
  • he has a problem, don’t second-guess yourself
  • do not trust him

I treat him kindly, I treat him to food and lunch, I am totally open and friendly to him. I don’t give him any advice that he doesn’t ask for and I’m not opinionated on any subject. I thank him daily for the work he’s done…so…??

Exit plans include the following:

  • keep professional distance
  • stay friendly without going past office-level
  • treat others as you want to be treated, but again, with a healthy distance
  • don’t open yourself up to sob stories; don’t ask for specifics
  • don’t get ingrained in his personal life, even if he offers details
  • remember he’s still a great guy but probably unaware of his hidden communication pattern, which is PA.
  • keep your healthy-shield up!

Even if I’ve “wasted” hours and hours delving into this problem, I’ve got to congratulate myself on being productive tonight. The thing that could not be pin-pointed has finally come to head. Now I know what I am dealing with and I’m armed. I need to protect my emotional health as well as my well-being. My job deals with sick people and it’s already stressful enough; I don’t need anymore drama in my life.


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