OK Our House is Haunted

I just took off my head phones after listening to music on the web….not worth it to wake the kid up with loud tunes of Bossa Nova at 12 AM….well….I took the ear buds out of my ears and I hear a weird, static noise coming from the bedroom. I frantically reach for the lights as this sound is…WEIRD….my hands find the light switch and I flip on the lights…nothing…that is, nothing but the radio phone near my bed with it’s switch flipped to “ON”.  It is making a static sound with people talking in the background. I flip the switch all over before I find the “On” button. Very strange, as I’ve owned this phone/radio for over 25 years and it has NEVER turned it self on before. 

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Being A Mom or Dad at the age of 47?!

CONGRATS!! You are going to be a MOM/DAD at the age of 47!! YAY! You either A) were forced to adopt your grand-children, B) really wanted a kid and are now totally and most wonderfully blessed, or C) OOPS!!!!

Consider the following:

Kid is newborn – 1 years old, you are 48 – 49. Lift kid up repeatedly from floor, bed, high chair without getting wrist tendonitis or tennis elbow. Constantly wake up throughout the night. Love the smell of baby poop and poo while possibly changing your own parent’s diapers.

Kid is 2-3 years old, you are 50 years old. Chase after them constantly! Also, keep on with the waking-up-at-night-thing…argue with your kids while you feed your aging mother-in-law her 40 different types of pills. Watch mindless cartoons and endure hours and hours of purple dinosaurs singing about how much they love you while you increase your life insurance policy ceiling.

Kid is 6-7 years old, you are 57 and you have to be able to carry an 50-lb child for various reasons. You are almost 60  and you have to pretend that you think Disneyland is the most fun place on earth! You moan and groan and complain about the long lines and the heat and how Obama is ruining everything while you stand in line.  If your kid has ADHD, multiply excitement factor three-fold on a daily basis.

Kid is 10, you are 60. Can you run after your kid? Do you have the energy to keep up? Because of the constant lifting ten years ago on your poor bones, you’ll be needing a knee replacement soon. Contrary to popular belief having young kids around does not keep your mind sharp…it makes your mind shut down. SHUT UP Kids!!  Also, it is very hard to convince your 10 yr old that a crocheted afghan is in style…what is wrong with you spoiled kids nowadays?

Kid is 15 years old with raging teenage hormones and you are  62, calling your friends who gleefully send you email pictures of their grand-children while your Wise-ass punk kid’s friends come into your house eating your food, raiding your liquor cabinet and downloading porn on your computer. You tell your kid and his friends to shut up and they just laugh at you and throw Dentu-Cream in your face. You really don’t have the energy to punish the offending teen…maybe just a nap or two later and you’ll be fine.

Kid is 16 and she gets pregnant!!! – oh no, let’s not even go there. Can’t imagine raising TWO kids at the age of 64!!!

Kid graduates high school, you are 65. Don’t let the kid down…leave the walker at home!!! Grimace as the thought of sending kid to college hits home when you are trying to R-E-T-I-R-E.

Kid hopefully graduates college with all your hard-earned money with a standard, normal 4-yr degree of some kind, and you are 69 – 70 years old. If not, they will move back into your home with their kids and their significant others…oh joy!!!!

Pessimistic??? I KNOW!!! True? Sometimes. Sometimes its worse. There, I’ve said it.